The Lard Biscuit



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This Ain’t No Blog
Rendered 8/9/2004

Welcome to the newly reinvented Lard Biscuit home page. This site has just turned four years old, and it was time for a fresh new direction to get me re-energized. I decided my home page needed something it's never had before: writing. I'm a writer, supposedly, so it makes sense that I should have a spot where I can lay down some funky verbiage right up front.

But please, don't call it a blog.

I've never cared for blogs, I've never read people's blogs, and I've never understood what the big freakin' deal is about blogs. Don't get me wrong, now... I think it's great for folks to post their personal journals online and pass along the must-see URLs du jour. That's far more admirable than most popular uses for the Internet. But blogs have never been what I'm about. I've always intended The Lard Biscuit to be something more substantial, a platform for finely developed essays executed with deliberation and skill. This is a whole different deal than telling the world who you partied with last Friday night or about some new cat food that Mr. Whiskers doesn't seem interested in. I want to use full English words and sentences to express my ideas and emotions, rather than relying on whatever cryptic abbreviation or emoticon might spare me a keystroke. This is my art that the unruly bloggers have trespassed into.

And it's this elitist attitude of mine that has creatively hamstrung me. Whenever a cool idea to write about crosses my mind, I've been filing it away for some future time when I could sit down and compose a proper essay. But in most cases, that time never comes. I have all this material bottled inside while my site goes for months without an update, since "real writing" is "so difficult." The Lard Biscuit has grown stagnant except for the two elaborate projects I've completed over the past couple of years. It's time to write more small and inconsequential stuff, as well as stuff that has nothing to do with Star Wars or Anna Nicole Smith. Not everything I post on this site has to be deathless prose, and it's better to write something fun and extemporaneous than to write nothing at all. My contempt for the burgeoning blog culture has been a mask for my jealousy. I hope the bloggers will forgive me and show me the way.

So here we are. I'll be using this home page for whatever quick thoughts I feel like putting down, and when I present my longer pieces, I'll preview the first few paragraphs here with a link to the full essay. The Lard Biscuit has been suffering from constipation for way too long, and I hope this is just the laxative it needs. But still, I'm beggin' you, I don't want anybody saying I'm writing a blog. If you've got to call it something, call the damn thing a blard. That I could live with.

Thanks for your interest, and watch this space...




© 2004 Lard Biscuit Enterprises

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